October 12^th, 2013

So I met the father of the embryo at my good friends' house back towards the end of August. He'd been staying with them over the summer and only just recently and inconveniently went back to where he hails from, like an hour away from where I live. I wanted to tell him in person, but that clearly wasn't going to happen, so I went over to my friends' house and told them about the baby, hoping that they could help me get ahold of him.

I was worried because they're good friends with both the father and I. Would they choose a side if the father decided to be a douche? Would they be really disappointed with me...? These were my fears when I went over.

But they were marvelous. Those men are angels, they are. God, I love them. And they told me that the father had actually expressed worries about this situation, hoped pregnancy would not be a result of our unprotected incident  But that he also said he wouldn't run away from it if it happened. My friend assured me that the father is a man of his word.

And then, totally out of coincidence with no knowledge of what has been mutating in my uterus, the father called one of my friends to let him know that he's been pretty much cut off from the outside world since he doesn't have internet and his phone is off.

I decided to be brave and have my friend call back so I can tell him.

I told him, and I have to say I am impressed. The truth is that the father is a few years younger than me. I'm twenty-two and he is nineteen. (I know... But, I mean, the purpose of our "relationship" was to scratch itches and it didn't seem like a problem. Then we had to go and be stupid.)

But anyway, he was... really impressive. I think he's worried like I am. Like he'll suck as a dad, he won't care about the kid and he won't be able to provide anything for it.

But I think the fact that he's worried about this stuff screams that he's going to be way, way better than he thinks he is. And the fact that he's not going to bail, just... It just makes this a lot more okay.

I'm going to be a mom, but I don't have to do it alone and that is the best thing he could give me. (Plus I heard his mother is a sweetheart, so even more relief headed my way.)

In other news, this is my positive pregnancy test.

And now that the father knows, I think I will begin to, like, feel normal about this. In fact, I can't bear the thought of miscarrying. I don't know why, but the thought of this baby changing my life scares me. But I wouldn't have it any other way...

I've decided motherhood is not really big on logic.