October 15^th, 2013

The terror increases. The truth is slowly trickling from the mouths of people who don't want to hurt me, but want me to know the truth.

It would seem as though the father is likely to bail on me. Not monetarily, no. But in all other ways. So it looks like my child and myself will be his dirty little secret that he, conveniently, gets to run from because he is not physically attached to the baby. Which is half him.

I have never understood that. Why do guys think they can do that? Pretend it didn't happen just because they aren't vital in the first nine months of their child's life.

Guess what. You're just as vital as I am. And guess what. You're just as responsible as I am. AND GUESS WHAT. YOU'RE A MOTHER FUCKING DAD (lol punny) AS MUCH AS I AM A MOTHER.

Sorry to ruin your mother fucking day.

And who the fuck says this is harder for you? Who the fuck says that you can't do this? Who the fuck says you're the only one with difficulty processing things.

I really just need to talk to him so that I know where he stands because, as you may have noticed, I'm getting a little bit irritated.

I need to connect with my baby. I find myself more excited when I think of Eddie as being involved beyond monetarily, at least to some extent. But if it's just going to be and my baby, I need to maybe rethink how I think of my child...